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Memorable Quotes by Seth Cohen during Season 3
Memorable quotes from Seth Cohen during Season 3 of The O.C.. For quotes from other seasons, see Memorable Quotes by Seth Cohen. The Aftermath : Lawyer: ...Then you won't mind if I record this deposition. : Seth: Sure record it. Release it on iTunes. I hope it's a really big hit. : Summer: Okay, I have an idea. : Seth: Are you going to save Chrismukkah again. 'Cause I really enjoyed that last time. : Summer: Mr. Cooper has a nice boat. : Seth: Yeah. It's amazing what laundered money can buy. : Seth: I mean how does being a werewolf make you a better basketball player? : Ryan: Can't argue with that one. : Summer: What does Ryan eat? : Seth: Dry cereal from a box and black coffee. The Shape of Things to Come : Sandy: She kept this place in tip top shape without so much as picking up a sponge. : Ryan: Yeah. How did she do that? : Seth: Her presence kept us neat, Ryan, It's her protestant evil eye. It's a powerful thing. : Seth: Dude, Summer and I fought over a comic book for a year. : Seth: My stomach is far too Jewish for that ride. (after Ryan punches Dean Hess) : Summer: Oh my god! : Seth: That's not good. The End of Innocence : Seth: Is it my fault that most of our half-baked adolesent schemes goes hopelessly awry and my dad has to bail us out? : Ryan: Uh, usually, yeah. The Last Waltz (as Marissa disappears into Newport Union) : Seth: And that was the last they ever saw of her. : Seth: Here you go my little social chair maven. : Summer: You know I always thought that social chair was a ceremonial position. Like Rose Bowl Queen or President. : Seth: You plan the dance and leave the toilets to me. I was hoping that'd sound a little more heroic. : Summer: No, I got it. : Seth: Alright, come on buddy, get ready. For some old-fashioned Seth/Ryan Time. : Seth: Well, that is a pickle. : Ryan: That's it? No advice? : Seth: What advice? Call her, apologize. It's not rocket science. Man. You home school kids are pathetic. : Taylor: Hi everybody! Everyone, hi. I'm Taylor Townsend, your social chair. And I would like to thank you all for coming. : Seth: Relax. She's not taking credit for it. : Taylor: Thank you. So this dance has been my baby now for quite awhile. : Seth: Okay, she's taking credit for it. : Summer: I am going to kill her. : Taylor: But there is one person without whose help none of this could ever have happened : Seth: See, she's gonna— : Taylor: Dean Hess. : Seth: Oh. : Summer: I'm gonna kill the both of them. : Seth: Wait. : Taylor: So everyone, have fun. Because this really is the end of Summer. : Seth: Gee, now you kinda set yourself up for that one. : Ryan: Seth what are you doing here? : Seth: I'm here to stop you man. And if that means throwing myself between you and the gym, I only ask that you spare the face. The Perfect Storm : Kirsten: You know you're going to be exposed to a lot of new things in college next year. : Seth: Yeah, horny co-eds and alcohol poisoning. : Seth: He could be off joining the Foreign Legion. Could be off joining a cult. Ryan could be— I don't know, he could be taking place in a mass marriage right now. Drinking Koolaid. With brand new sneakers. So many sick things... : Seth: Ryan's about a yellow slicker and a grey beard away from becoming the Gorton's fisherman. : Summer: Huh. Yeah, not getting the reference. : Seth: I got a room at the Mermaid Motel. : Summer: You mean the place where Theresa may or may not have conceived Ryan's baby and the place where Marissa's mom and Luke got it on? : Seth: Newport's very own den of sin. : Summer: Ew. But I like it. : Seth: You realize Ryan, of all of our hair-brained schemes—of which there are many—quitting school for a life at sea, it may be number one. : Seth: I have to say, Ryan Atwood, Fisherman, I think it's a good gig for you. : Ryan: Yeah, you like that? : Seth: I came up with some other pitches for jobs with you, but I should warn you that it's, like, wacky! : Ryan: Okay. : Seth: Ryan Atwood: Bull Fighter. : Summer: Oo! Big hat, like tight red pants and a little red coat. : Ryan: Alright, but I don't speak Spanish. : Seth: Neither do bulls. Ryan Atwood: Bounty Hunter. : Seth: Ryan Atwood: Fluffer. : All: Fluffer? What? : Seth: I'll explain it later. The Swells : Taylor: Have you heard about the lock-in tomorrow night? The entire senior class is gonna spend the night in the gym. : Summer: Oh! Can't make it. : Seth: Yeah. I'm taking off my arm with a hacksaw. : Summer: She's not studying. She's at the beach with Johnny. (awkward pause) : Seth: Ryan, try not to punch Summer. : Ryan: What's that about? : Seth: I don't know. Summer called. She said something about you getting to some guy's house on Dune Row right away. Some emergency. : Ryan: Is it Marissa? : Seth: I don't know. My cell phone was confiscated. Which I do believe is a violation of my civil liberties! : Seth's Voicemail: This is Seth. It's 2005. You know how these things work. : Seth: Ryan, I am freaking out right now. I'm using a payphone. And god knows what Asian strain of lip herpes I'm contracting. : Ryan: That's disgusting. I'll be there as soon as possible. : Seth: Hi everybody. My name is Seth Cohen. Of the West Coast Cohens. And I was feeling like we should all play a delicious game of Capture-the-Flag. Now I should warn all of you, I'm very talented at this game. Yeah, I was all-camp Capture-the-Flag at Camp Tacahoe. The Anger Management : Ryan: Maybe the girls should pick the movie next time. : Seth: Do I have to remind you about the Bring It On phase? : Seth: Dude, all I'm saying is you just got back into Harbor, okay? You do not want to go back to the wasteland of home schooling. : Ryan: I told you, I'm not gonna fight him. : Seth: I hear you. And I want to believe you, but I also know Kid Chino. Sometimes when his back's up against the wall... with his fists of fury— : Ryan: Kid Chino is retired. He hung up the hoodie, so just relax. : Seth: Taylor Townsend? In fourth grade she campaigned against making the school handicap accessible. She said it was "reverse Darwinism". Besides who— who— wants Dean Hess' seconds. : Seth: Yeah. Well, I'm with Summer though so— : Taylor: I heard you were breaking up. : Seth: What? Who said that? : Taylor: I made it up. But what did you feel when you heard it? Relief? : Seth: No! : Taylor: Hello Seth. : Seth: Taylor. Hey! : Taylor: Is Summer here? : Seth: Okay, look. I love Summer. I always have. Now while you and I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema, there is no way. : Summer: Yakuza? Were you with Taylor? : Seth: She's having an emotional crisis. : Summer: Yeah, well she's about to have a physical one. : Seth: Summer, she thinks you're her friend. : Summer: What? She is crazy. I hate her. : Seth: I know! You along with everyone else. The Game Plan : Seth: Okay picture me at college. Big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond? : Ryan: I don't know. I never really pictured you living in a pond. : Seth: Me neither. : Summer: I can't even pick out my shoes in the morning, let alone plan the rest of my life. : Seth: It's okay, it's only four years. And, according to this brochure it's supposed to be the high-point of an otherwise miserable existence. : Seth: The weather. How about a little weather for a change. I mean, I'm not talking about, "it's cloudy with a chance of drizzle weather." I'm talking about snow storm seal your windows with duct tape weather. : Mrs. Rushfield: So we'll deal with grades and boards later, but for now I just want to get a feel for what you want. Where you imagine yourself. : Seth: Ah, somewhere cold. Or brisk. I would settle for brisk. : Summer: I want 365 sun days. I don't mean the day after Saturday. : Seth: Dude, it's my only choice. It's liberal, it's turtleneck weather, and most importantly it's 30,000 miles away from here. : Seth: "Dad, I'm not applying to Berkeley. Where did you get that gun? Why do you have this gun?" That doesn't have a good ring to it. : Summer: Cohen, you're needed upstairs now. : Seth: Tell my parents I love them. : Summer: These are our college lists. Do you see a difference? : Seth: Yeah. The font. Looks like you went with the, ah, Times New Roman. : Summer: The schools, Doofus. None of them are the same. None of them are even in the same time zone. : Seth: Okay, so you went West Coast, I went East Coast. It's not a hip-hop war. : Seth: We need to talk. I brought visual aids. : Seth: Listen, Summer's upstairs ordering things from LL Bean, so I have to, you know... : Sandy: Hurry! Hurry! : Summer: Uh oh, you and Seth are going to have to do the long distance thing. Better not cheat on each other. : Ryan: It's college. Things happen. : Seth: Are you questioning my sexuality? The Disconnect : Seth: You know I read a study once that said that if 1500 third graders took the SATs one would get a perfect score by probability alone. : Summer: Hm. Yeah. I'm not a third grader, Cohen. : Seth: No, no, I'm not saying you are, but I mean how else do you explain it? : Summer: I dunnow. : Seth: How is that even possible? : Ryan: Well, she did save Chrismukkah. : Ryan: Don't do this man. : Seth: Do what? : Ryan: Compete with Summer. : Seth: Why? Because you think Summer would win? : Summer: Well maybe I never had a dream. You know, maybe for once in my life I actually want to do something in my life. Like something important. Be the first woman in space or win one of the noble prizes. : Seth: Summer, women have been going to space since the 60s. And it's not noble prizes, it's Nobel prize. Marie Curie won in 1903 for discovering radium. : Summer: I think you've made your point. : Seth: Did you just whack me with your tuba? : Summer: Did you just jab me with your peg leg? : Seth: It's a tap, you little whacker. : Summer: Jab, jabber. Why do you have to be better than me at everything. : Seth: See, that's just it, Summer. I'm not better than you at everything. There was one thing that I was better at. : Seth: My biggest fear, stated plainly: what if Summer's bein smart changes our whole dynamic? : Ryan: Why would it? : Seth: Because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me. It made me almost a man in her eyes. : Ryan: C'mon, man. That's not true. You've got plenty of other positive qualities. You're funny. When you want to be. : Seth: Have you noticed how Summer's gotten a lot funnier lately? I mean I think she's funnier than me now. : Ryan: You're an expert in comic books and Yakuza films. : Seth: Girls don't like that. : Ryan: You know how to work a grill. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry. I thought I would come up with more. The point is Summer doesn't want to be you, she wants to be with you. Right? You want that too, so— : Seth: Apologize, I know. : Seth: I'm sorry I've been such an ass, okay. It's just, you're superior to me in so many ways. You're better looking, you're more popular, you're stronger... and not just emotionally. The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah : Seth: Seriously. I think you should really consider it. : Ryan: What, a bar mitzvah? : Seth: Yeah. You've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohens, but I think you really use some Kah. : Ryan: I don't think so. : Seth: That's tough talk for a guy that eats a lot of bagels. : Summer: And what do you think, Cohen? : Seth: My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble. : Ryan: We brought you a little something for the holidays. : Seth: It only took Summer five hours to pick it out. : Seth: If any of you were even remotely Jewish I would just say we could pool our bar mitzvah money, but— Holy crap, that's it. : Summer: What's it? : Ryan: Oh... no no no no no. No way, dude. : Seth: Yes. Way dude. : Ryan: I'm sorry, alright. I can't. I won't. : Seth: Will. : Ryan: I'm not having it. : Summer: Having what? : Seth: A bar mitzvah. : Summer: What?! Ryan gets bar mitzvahed. Now that is funny. : Ryan: Yeah, see. Summer's laughing. : Seth: No. That's just gas. Now listen, this wouldn't be an ordinary bar mitzvah. You know what this would be? Wait for it... wait for it. A Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vakkah. Spell that, dude. : Ryan: That's crazy. : Seth: Yeah? So crazy it just might work. : Marissa: So we throw a big party. : Summer: And Ryan gets the money from the bar mitzvah. : Marissa: And then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery. : Ryan: How is this gonna work? Am I just gonna stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew? : Seth: You chant. And hell yes. : Summer: Cohen, why don't you go comb out Princess Sparkle's tail? You know how it relaxes you. : Seth: Summer, what are you— what are you talking about? I wouldn't... Is the comb where I left it? : Seth: And that's the problem with the Jews right there. We have no concept of marketing. : Ryan: I can't believe this is you. : Seth: Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know. : Ryan: No, but seriously. You went out in public like this? : Seth: It's one of the unfortunate truths of the bar mitzvah, Ryan. It's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boy's life. But also the most photographed. : Ryan: Is there a videotape too? : Seth: You would have to kill me first. : Seth: As soon as you hear "that's what friends are for" you're done. : Ryan: That song is Jewish? : Seth: It might as well be. It's a staple of every bar mitzvah. It's you and all your friends, your arms around each other swaying. It's awesome. : Ryan: I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party. : Seth: It's hypothetically awesome. : Young Seth: This is my funeral. Not my bar mitzvah. And no one showed up. And you said Summer Roberts was coming. : Seth: Jews don't believe in saints. Just really good stand up comics. : Sandy: Marissa, come join us. You're practically family. : Seth: I think technically she is. : Seth: Seth Cohen. Hello. Ryan... forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back. : Sandy: Ryan doesn't wear glasses. : Seth: He does when he's reading from right to left. : Seth: And Marissa Cooper will be playing the miraculous oil. Oo, I hope I didn't give away the ending. The Safe Harbor : Seth: College applications have been sent off, studying, homework, learning... all the reasons to come here are pretty much over. : Summer: I can't believe we spent all day canvassing and we only have like 13 signatures. : Seth: Say what you want about Taylor, the girl's connected. Cheerleaders, water polo players, the band. She turned, they all turned. : Ryan: Alright, so it's down to the three of us, the AV club, and the comic book geeks. : Seth: Actually Leon is still a bit of a hold out. : Summer: This school is apathetic. They need someone who can inspire. Someone who can intimidate. : Seth: They need Taylor. : Summer: Yeah. You know, maybe it's better to be feared than loved. Cohen, you have my permission to do whatever it takes. : Seth: What is it? : Summer: I'm picturing, like, Indecent Proposal. You're Demi. Naturally. And Taylor is the leather-faced guy who talks to horses. : Seth: You want me to trade sex for signatures? : Summer: Get her on board. I want Marissa back at this school. : Seth: I feel so dirty. : Seth: I have been sanctioned to offer you sexual favors. I swear Summer said it was okay. : Taylor: Wow. Anything else, you would facing a long night. Involving candle wax, tubesocks and the new Fiona Apple CD. But Marissa, I can't. : Seth: Okay, well, lucky for both of us I have the option to forego manwhoring and make an appeal to your heart. Because I know that you have one. : Taylor: Seth, don't. : Seth: No, I am your friend. So is Summer and so is Ryan. And if Marissa came back, you'd have her too. : Taylor: Okay, you don't get it. My mom is a sports agent. : Seth: Your mom's a sports agent? I thought she was just a bored, bitter Newpsie. : Taylor: She's a bored, bitter ball-buster. 300-pound football players go to her when they need something done. pause. She threatened to take away my car. : Seth: We'll give you a ride to school. : Taylor: Not to pay for college. : Seth: You can get a scholarship. : Taylor: I'm sorry. : Seth: Fine. But as your friend I'm going to beg you to do one thing: Do not grow up to be like your mom, 'cause you're too good for that. : Summer: Surrender, much? I bet Napoleon never talked like this. : Ryan: Well, maybe he should have before he was defeated and exiled. : Seth: Summer, my little Empress, this is our Waterloo. Let's just retreat and minimize collateral damage. The Sister Act : Ryan: Seth, it's senior year. It's supposed to be the best year ever. : Seth: No, you should know better. Every time things are going too well around here, that's when doom comes aknockin'. : Ryan: Doom? : Seth: Aknockin'. doorbell Or aringin'. Right on time. Don't answer it. It's probably a flaming bag of crap. : Ryan: We never really got past where home was. : Sandy: Oh, Julie wants us to wait till she gets here before we tell Kaitlin. : Seth: That her family's a prime candidate for Pimp My Double-Wide. : Summer: Mini Cooper? : Seth: Mini Coop not so mini. : Seth: Are you talking about Kaitlin's transformation from horsey tweener to lanky lean jailbait? : Seth: I love how people just come in now. No more of that useless back and forth to the front door. : Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go on a date with Summer's dad. And she threatened to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up. Neil agreed as a favor. : Sandy: Look, Neil's a smart guy. If he wants to go on a second date with her maybe he sees something in her that we don't. : Summer: Huh? : Seth: What the hockey? : Kirsten: No no no. : Sandy: No. Okay. Okay, fine. But we have to make sure that she's the one who ends it. If Neil starts to pull away, she might take it out on Marissa. : Seth: Genital warts. Is the answer. : Summer: My god. That is amazing. And all you did was tell her he voted for John Kerry? : Seth: Yes, that is exactly what I said. : Summer: You told her he had genital warts? C'mon! : Seth: I just find it interesting how your hand collided with my face. The Pot Stirrer : Seth: Dude, I planned my first escape on an Etch-a-Sketch. This is my dream. It's just, I don't know, man. It's real. : Sandy: I spent a month practicing how to say "Dude." : Seth: You still say it kinda— : Seth: I was saving the whole drug thing for college. Plus my dad smoked pot at Berkeley, so it's pretty much ruined for me. : Seth: You know I was taught that when you have something good, what you're supposed to do is you hang on to it. You know? You hang on to it with both hands. And if someone tries to take it from you. what you should do is you should make sure they pry it from your cold, dead fingers. : Seth: You're a mystery solver. You're like an Encyclopedia Brown. : Seth: I love it when you go for the comedy. But I would not quit your day job beating up people. : Seth: Dude, I am not stoned anymore. : Ryan: Okay, then why are you in my shower? : Seth: Woah. How'd that happen? : Ryan: Just drink the coffee. The Cliffhanger : Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood? : Seth: Yeah, it's just Summer was over pot by the tenth grade. She thinks it's totally juvenile. It'd be like telling I'm into Beanie Babies. : Ryan: Well, at least tell her you missed the interview. You do that, I'll keep quiet about the rest of it. : Seth: We're getting dangerously close to an After-School Special here, Ryan. It's marijuana and I did it twice. : Ryan: So you're telling me you didn't come down here to buy a bag? : Seth: Fine. I wasn't going to smoke anymore anyways. : Seth: Oh no! The Atwood grunt. That's never a good sign. What's the matter? I'm gonna guess Marissa. Or Johnny. Or maybe Kaitlin. I'm gonna say probably a combo pack. : Summer: Cohen, you are in a deceit spiral. And if you don't stop now, you could turn in to some creepy old men who have secret attics where they hide stolen money and porn. : Seth: Okay, first of all? That sounds awesome. The Heavy Lifting : Seth: You can't blame yourself. You tried. : Ryan: And failed. : Seth: Well you can't beat yourself up over it. I mean, Ryan Atwood against Ryan Atwood. : Seth: Because inside my manly exterior beats the heart of a 14 year old girl. : Sandy: Who knew women's panties were such a minefield? : Seth: Don't say panties. : Summer: I'm wearing the thong. : Seth: Yeah, that's... that's my mom's. : Summer: Ew. The Road Warrior : Seth: I've got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I'm scared, I'm wet, and I'm cold, Ryan. : Ryan: Okay. Alright, I'll be right there. I just gotta towel off. : Seth: Why do you have to towel off? : Seth: I love what you've done there. You could probably get a cable TV show to pay for that. HDTV's Extremely Sad Makeovers. : Summer: Oy. : Seth: As in vey? Atta girl. : Taylor: Does he still have the things on his... thing? : Seth: Oh no no. A little penicillin cleared that right up. Looks fantastic. : Taylor: Good. That's good. : Seth: Mom and Dad think you're helping inner city kids paint an overpass mural. I'm rolling around in your bed right now. So it looks slept in. : Ryan: You probably do that anyway. : Seth: So? Have a little gratitude. : Ryan: You're right. I owe you. But trust me, it's for a good cause. : Seth: Any chance you want to clue me in on what the cause is? : Ryan: The less you know the better. Just keep doing what you're doing. Except the bed thing. That's just creepy. The Journey : Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday? : Seth: Sunday's your birthday? : Ryan: Thanks buddy. : Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan's turning 18. Becoming a fully franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America. : Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important thing is we need a party. : Summer: We have a problem. : Seth: Oooh, yeah. Today's the day you were gonna tell Marissa about your parents doin' the bone dance. (Summer hits him) How did that go? : Summer: Don't ever say that again. I'm talking about Ryan and Marissa : Seth: No, we've gotten them back together before, you remember? What thanks do we get? They just broke up again. : Summer: Well, they need to make a decision. Either to get back together or to move on. Cause right now they are frozen in that post-break up "holy crap, what did I do?" moment. And the longer it goes on for, the worse it is for everyone. So you need to do something. : Seth: Me? : Summer: Yeah. : Seth: I'm in charge of Ryan's birthday. : Summer: Wait, Ryan's birthday is now? What is he thinking! : Seth: I don't know. He didn't exactly plan it. If you care so much, why can't you handle this? : Summer: Oh, because I have to worry about Julie Cooper giving my dad VD and taking all of his money, so my plate is full. : Seth: Fine...Dr. R and Julie Cooper are doin' the bone dance. (Summer hits him upside the head) : Summer: What did Ryan say when you gave him Marissa's invitation? : Seth: Nothing. Just got this sort of confused, wounded look. : Seth: So are you feeling more mature? Like you want to go out and vote up a storm? : Ryan: Fighting the urge. : Ryan: So what exactly was the thinking here? : Seth: Well, turning 18 is all about assuming your adult identity, right? So I thought I would show you all the different avenues available to you. : Ryan: Because I might want to be a cowboy. : Seth: Or my personal favorite, but no less gay, Fireman Ryan. The Undertow : Summer: Mm. You smell so good. : Seth: You like the smell of salami? : Summer: Cohen! : Seth: What? I had a salami sub and I feel like it's lingering. : Seth: Ugh. Get a room. : Sandy: Hey, count your blessings. Kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually as adults. : Seth: I know. I meant get a room. My room. And do it in front of me. : Seth: Is that a no to the Wheelbarrow? : Summer: I'll Wheelbarrow you. : Summer: We should fight, like, everyday. : Seth: I'm pretty sure I can make that happen. The Secrets and Lies : Summer: I'm sounding out a hot new couple alert. Act like you knew nothing. : Seth: I don't. : Seth: So if the body doesn't lie... : Summer: Then it's saying, "Ew." : Seth: "Ew"? Or "Touch my pooper"? : Seth: Tense, tightly-wound shut-in. That's all I want out of you, okay? It's kind of a Boo Radley-shade. Far away from The Bait Shop and all of it's unsavory characters. : Kirsten: Hey handsome men! : Seth and Sandy: Where? : Seth: Ah, I just made the same joke as my dad. That's a bad sign. : Sandy: Your father happens to be hilarious. It's just hard to tell these days. : Summer: You didn't mention a word to Ryan? : Seth: Spoil his good mood? He practically skipped out of the kitchen. : Summer: Atwood skipping? Now there's a disturbing and... odd visual. : Seth: Picture this one: Ryan dancing. It's what this woman does to him. If you wanna keep the skip in his step we gotta keep Volchok off his radar. : Summer: Aw. about the video game You play. Volchok is Atwood's krptonite. He'll totally Hulk out. : Seth: You're mixing comic book metaphors. But you think we can keep Marissa quiet? : Summer: Marissa? She can barely put her words together these days. : Seth: She's usually such a wordsmith. : Summer: What does she see in that guy? He's so dirty and greasy. : Seth: He's got good abs. Women like abs. I got a six-pack myself. I know. : Summer: Cohen, those are your ribs. : Seth: Oh. The Day After Tomorrow : Seth: No more hugging, though. Physical contact freaks me out. : Ryan: Hey, man. Summer was looking for you. I invited her for tonight. : Seth: Cool. Good. : Ryan: Everything okay? : Seth: Yeah. No. It's just that if she sees me she'll dress me like a Timberland Barbie. Did you invite Sadie? : Seth: Well he's 18. I just think college should come first. : Summer: Not if you're with the one you think you should be with. That you'll forever be with. : Seth: Who really knows that at 18? : Summer: I do. long silence Oh my god. You don't. : Ryan: Seth, uh, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown? : Seth: Did I get into—? Ryan, now who's smoking pot. Listen to me: the only class that I've ever gotten less than an A in is gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry. So of course I... augh, how could I not get in? : Ryan: Why are you lying about it? : Seth: For Summer. : Ryan: Well, don't you think she's going to notice when you're not there first semester? : Seth: She said that if I didn't get in and she did, she wouldn't go to Brown. I'm not gonna let her do that. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. : Ryan: Well I think that's up to her. Sorry man, I think you gotta tell her the truth. The Dawn Patrol : Seth to Captain Oats: You didn't get into Brown too, did you? : Seth: I don't love you anymore. : Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don't mind? : Ryan: It's good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back? : Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote. : Ryan: Is there a plan B? : Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission's office mainframe and reverse my acceptance. : Ryan: That's actually a good idea. You know how to do that? : Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry. The College Try : Seth: You taking all that? You only own like, a wifebeater and two hoodies. : Ryan: So, um, you're going to fly to Brown... : Seth: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah. I don't have the, ah, details, okay? But Brown's a spiritual place. I'll go, I'll get a vibe, you know, bump into the ghost of Old Man Brown. Or whoever they named the school after. : Seth: We can save the hug for later. : Ryan: Yeah, okay. : Seth: C'mon. You miss Newport. : Anna: Uh uh. : Seth: The sun, surf, the surgery. : Anna: They have not perfected the chin implant in Pittsburgh. But I am optimistic. : Seth: Mocking Newport with Anna Stern. That is one of my favorite pasttimes. : Anna: Mine too. : Seth: Probably just gonna riff. We're both dudes. Even though he's got a bow tie and probably like nine PhDs, underneath I'm sure we're... pretty much the same. : Tour Guide: Kumar? You're name is Kumar? : Seth: Yes. Kumar Zimmerman. I'm half-Indian, I'm half-jewish. I am a HinJew. : Brown Prof: Mr. Cohen, I was under the impression that you were an admitted student. That's why I came to meet you. : Seth: I know. Will you please just listen to me, and if you still don't want to let me in at least I'll know I tried. : Brown Prof: Okay. You have one minute. : Seth: Then I'm gonna have to sort of, ah, condense this. Maybe make it more of a bullet point thing. Uh, mm... Grades, 3.8. Ah, SATs, 2250. That's not perfect but I would say it's respectable. I was president of the Comic Book Club. I ws also a member of the chess team, although I was extremely low-profile. : Brown Prof: Ten seconds. : Seth: Okay. Here's the part about how I belong on the East Coast. And there's a little joke about the weather here to keep it light. It's pretty funny. And ah... I guess that's about it. : Brown Prof: That was compelling. But you misled me and you wasted my time. And I trust you will show yourself off campus. The Party Favor : Ryan: Have you told her there's nothing going on between you and Anna? : Seth: I've tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle. : Ryan: Well you know, I'm not going. So if you wanna hang out, rent a movie. : Seth: Ryan, I love you. But if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I'm gonna kill myself. : Seth: I assumed she'd be going with the surf Nazi anyway. Unless he's selling crack to blind kids or— sees Volchok. Fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that's his cousin. His really... dirty cousin. : Seth: Ah, there she is. Look at a true friend, Ryan. 2000 miles she flies. : Anna: In a middle seat. : Seth: All to make sure Summer and I go to the prom together. Tell me, would you do so much? : Ryan: Let's not test it. : Anna: Well, guilt can be a powerful motivator. : Seth: I'd tell you again it's not your fault except I want to hear this plan. : Seth: That's Summer's date? Looks like the guy in Fullmetal Alchemist. : Seth: Oh my god. You know what this is? This is the pirate's cave from Goonies. I've died and gone to heaven. : Seth: I knew you weren't going to go if I didn't go, and I didn't want you to do that. I didn't want you to miss the opportunity so I broke up with you. : Summer: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. : Seth: Yeah, well, then I realized I couldn't be without you so I flew there to try and talk my way in. : Summer: Okay, now that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. : '''Summer: I love you. : '''Seth: I love you too. We can kiss later. All right. Want me to hold your crown? Hey! Rigatoni. Nice. The Man of The Year : '''Seth: Hey man. Today's a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean and told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you're honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you. : Ryan: Well, now that you're on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown too? : Seth: Yeah. I don't think so. I'm gonna wait a little bit on that one. : Kirsten: Why don't you say good morning to Newport's Man of the Year. : Seth: I knew it was only a matter of time before this town recognized my contribution to this community. : Seth: Are you decent? If I come in am I inviting years of therapy? : Sandy: I want to talk to you. : Seth: Good. I want to talk to you. : Sandy: I love you, and I'm worried about you. : Seth: Right back atcha. : Sandy: You snoked pot in our home. : Seth: Would you rather I do it somewhere else? Like my college dorm? : Sandy: That would require you getting into college. : Seth: Do you think it's such a great idea me going away to college when mom's been drinking again? : Sandy: What are you talking about? : Seth: Maybe if you paid attention to anything other than that stupid hospital, you'd notice mom's been passing out before dinner. : Sandy: Don't talk to your father like that. : Seth: That would require you to act like my father. : Summer: (Stops kissing) Where was your dad going this morning? : Seth: ...You're thinking about my dad? : Summer: He had his briefcase with him. Does he usually keep important papers in there? : Seth: Ugh, you're turning me on. : Summer: I'm sorry. Cohen, there's something I need to tell you. : Seth: That you're using me to get to my father? : Summer: Serious! : Seth: So is this. We just got back together. The window for a make up hook up is rapidly closing, unless you wanna break up again. : Summer: No, definitely not. : Seth: Okay, so what'd you have to tell me? : Summer: ...I wanna be on top this time. (Pushes him down) : Seth: But you're always on top- (Summer kisses him) : Seth: Fine. But I want my own table. And my applause for his speech will be so tepid. The Graduates : Seth: "Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that, I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out and now your office fits into an ashtray." : Sandy: Well, we both screwed up. : Seth: We're both usually so awesome. : Seth: This is it, dude, with this stupid school. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or this stupid student lounge again. : Ryan: Nostalgic already, huh? : Seth: Never gonna have to see any of these shoe-peeing, shallow water polo-playing... : Water Polo Player: Get outta my way, geek. What is that, a dress? : Seth: It's a graduation gown. You're wearing one too. : Water Polo Player: Queer admitted to gown. : Taylor: Sung Ho and I decided to spend the summer in his family's village. We're defusing land mines in the DMZ. : Seth: That's a way to spend your summer vacation. : Summer: But what about the after-grad party? I mean you already planned it. : Taylor: As a gift. To the class of 2006. SO my work here is done. It has been a pleasure being second circle core. : Seth: You can join the inner circle. : Taylor: I can? Oh my god! The Fab Five! : Dawn: Hey, Seth good to see you again. : Seth: Good to see you, too. It means a lot that you made it down...I was being sincere. : Seth: Ryan got a car? Really? I've been waiting for years for a car. I'm supposed to be the spoiled one. : Summer: You guys ever wonder what life would be like if Atwood never came here? : Marissa: I definitely never would have talked to Seth. : Summer: Oh hell no. Me either. : Seth: Hahahah! : Ryan: See, you owe me one, buddy. : Seth: Me? She'd still be dating the dude who shaves his chest. : Summer: Oh my god! : Seth: You said she invited me. I'm not faring well, this trip down memory lane. : Sandy: Check out my boy Cohen! Can you believe how he's growin'! The competition away he's blowin'! : Seth: That's the one. Please don't do that. Ever. Seth